My dear friend, who I used to talk to daily or weekly. Those who I used to keep in touch with online (because there’s a body of water between us). Those friendly acquaintances. You, all of you, reading this. Thank you for the birthday wishes!
And sorry I have been out of touch. Some of you may not have noticed, some probably thought it’s because of the new life I’m leading and that’s partly true. I did became a mama, moved house and married my son’s daddy. But I’m also very sick.
At first I thought it was ‘just’ the impact of a complicated pregnancy, birth and the fact my beautiful son had (had!) reflux disease, which meant he would literally choke in his sleep if we didn’t keep him upright. Of course I was tired. Extremely tired.
But it didn’t get better when it should. Eventually it took a coincidental blood test for allergies to find out I have a chronic auto-immune disease, which means my life changed drastically forever (words my doctor used). I have celiac disease.
You may have heard of this before. I had. Turns out it’s very different for every patient though. In my case, the follow-up endoscopy showed I was at the worst stage without any of the typical symptoms! There are also differences in the way people (are advised to) handle the treatment, which in my case is going to be drastic. Knowing this could’ve been cancer in a few more years was sort of a cliché wake up call.
There, it’s out. I wasn’t sure about writing this. I was never sick! I don’t want to say it out loud, I don’t want (self)pity and just as much I’m also really not looking forward to hearing why you think it’s not that bad, even though you mean well. I feel rather uncomfortable being ‘weak’. I know I’m not, but I’m still in the stage of getting used to the diagnoses.
I did this though, because I feel bad about not being in touch without much of an explanation. And I simply don’t have the energy to explain it to all of you. I pretty much put everything on hold; I can’t study at the moment and I had to cancel lectures for which I had to travel far… And I forgot your birthdays.
I did think of you though. Lots. Even if we hadn’t been in touch much before I got sick; I thought of many of you reading this. I miss some of you loads and I appreciate all of you, especially for the simple ‘happy birthdays’ through social media. This year they gave me the feeling you really hadn’t forgotten about me altogether, even with me not being around.
The good news is, I will get better. I mean, I will have to do the strict diet for the rest of my life and I will never eat out again (which will make all the travelling I used to do a tad challenging). I’ve also been told it could take a couple more years before I have my energy back, which is as frustrating as it sounds. My head is bursting with plans, but I am focussing on getting better first. I trust most of you will still be there when I’m back.
Thank you, for everything.
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